she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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