lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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