i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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