are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
