Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
another moral hangover. fuck.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Its about making memories worth repressing
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
