Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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