I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
