did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
