i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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