It's like God shit irony all over that family
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
