she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
