I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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