why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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