If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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