I faked an abortion last night.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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