wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
