Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
