My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
