11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
