dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
