It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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