dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Hippo gnu deer
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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