Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
