p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
