is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
This house was built for laser tag.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize