laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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