SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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