I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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