He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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