Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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