This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We talked him into tasing himself.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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