that's an acceptable place to lick
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
