he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize