he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize