I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I lost the right to judge tonight
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
