Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
We don't watch enough power rangers
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize