This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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