I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
