youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize