It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
