Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
