Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We talked him into tasing himself.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
