fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
