thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize