I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
