i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
