What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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