You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize
