hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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