He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
