the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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