tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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