JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
