We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
