as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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