I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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