I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
two words: eviction party
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
