I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
