Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
