thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
