Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize