This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
