i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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