yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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