So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
