she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
accomplished twins. life is a go
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
