I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
