I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Randomize
