Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
